A letter to all May's fanboys
by stocky-parker-dog
Summary: When Drew decides to write a letter to May's fanboys...What could go wrong? Oh, did I mention there was a whole lot of irony in here? And implied contestshipping? A short and slightly humorous drabble series concerning Drew's feelings towards May's fanboys and the response he gets back. I do NOT own the characters. Read, Enjoy and Review please.
1. A letter to all May's fanboys

A letter to all May's fan boys,

First thing to address is the obvious problem of your attraction to May. I agree, May is a beautiful young woman; I am aware of that. I am a guy to after all and I'm not oblivious. But for all of you, you should not be admiring her silky chocolate brown hair unless you know what a mess it is after she takes off her bandanna. You should not admire her gorgeous sapphire blue eyes unless you've seen them red and puffy with her tears. Don't admire her 'grace' unless you've seen her trip and fall over in front of you several times. That is MY job only, because I was the one to see all that. Don't call her sweet-natured until you see or feel the effects of her ferocious temper (I have several times when it's been directed at me). This attraction you have for May seems to be misguided. She's clumsy, messy, has anger issues and is a complete airhead (Which by the way is an insult under copyright of the Drew Hayden enterprises). She's obviously not the prime subject for your affections. So stop it!

There also seems to be a major problem in the way you try to attract May to yourself. These methods are all lame, cheesy, cliché and they won't get you anywhere!

First is the hair flick a lot of you have seem to have picked up. Not only is it extremely annoying, but I don't see where or why you've started this. It's not useful at all. All it does is make May mad. She even goes red in the face (though you might not notice because she turns away).

The next bad habit of yours is that irritating smirk. What makes you think smirking will make May attracted to you? That idea is both ridiculous and ludicrous. Let me tell you, smirking will get you nowhere.

And that stupid habit of giving May roses. It's completely cliché. Let me ask you, do you even know what the roses mean? The ones you give her vary anywhere from red to black. What kind of mixed messages are you trying to send her? It is a single red rose that means 'I love you' NOT 50 other blue roses or any other colour for that matter. But do not even think about giving May and single red rose. Tossing a red rose at May has been trademarked by the Drew Hayden enterprise. Back off boys!

And where do you get the nerve to tease and even insult May. You claim to love her, so why do you pick on her? It makes no sense! You should be showering her with compliments, not picking on her coordinating style.

Also, why are you so arrogant? It'll only serve to aggravate her with your self-centredness. Your overconfidence will get you a slap in the face at the rate you're going.

May does not want a possessive guy to be around her so quit trying to own her. Or more importantly- JUST BACK OFF BOYS, SHE'S MINE!

Neither does she want a guy with a crazy-Ooh look strawberries!-Ahem…Obsessions.

All things considered, you will _never_ become May's boyfriend

Sincerely Drew Hayden (To be May's boyfriend)

* * *

**May: *comes in waving a piece of paper in the air* DREW HAYDEN! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!**

**Drew: *blushing*...uh...Sorry guys...I gotta go...uh...Post some letters *runs away***

**Me: *shakes head* I'm sorry May. You've fallen in love with a complete idiot.**

**This was just a little fun humorous drabble to write. I was given the idea by a friend of mine (You know who you are ;P) so I had to do it.**

**Who would like to see Solidad's, Harley's and May's response to Drew's letter?**


	2. A response to Drew's letter-Solidad

A response to Drew's letter addressed to May's fanboys

Dearest Drew, whom I think of a brother,

First off, where do you think you get the authority to control who is attracted to May or not? You may obviously have a thing for your precious brunette, but until you ask her out that technically means anyone can have eyes for her. I suggest that if you don't want other boys admiring her 'silky chocolate hair', 'gorgeous sapphire blue eyes' or any other feature you so desire to fall in love with, then make your move. May won't wait forever.

As for 'airhead' being copyrighted under the Drew Hayden enterprise, I would suggest unless you have the documents to back it up, you do not say that if you don't want a lawsuit on your hands.

Your descriptions of the methods they use to attract May seem to be a little exaggerated, unless you're calling yourself lame, cheesy and cliché?

For your information, the hair flick the boys have picked up was from you. They have seen May blushing whenever the hair flick appears. She is not going red from just anger, that is blushing as it reminds her of you.

That supposedly irritating smirk is also from you. If you so think this idea is ridiculous and ludicrous in attracting May, then please explain why you think doing so will make May anymore attracted to you?

And that habit of throwing May roses, can you guess, also came from you tossing May roses. It seems that May had found roses very romantic and boys have been using this to their advantage. You're not the only one who wants May to understand through ambiguous ways and quite frankly, May adores the roses. She more often than not thinks it's sweet, despite the colour because she does not understand the meaning of roses herself. As for that trademark, though I know you actually have trademarked this habit of yours, it does not mean that other boys cannot give her multiple roses.

The nerve to tease and insult May you think? If that was true, then please explain why you are not showering her with compliments. I for one have not seen you compliment her directly. It seemed you're only complimenting Beautifly. I think you'd better straighten yourself before telling other boys what to do.

As for arrogance…Concerning this whole letter, let's say if May finds this you're more likely to be slapped, not her fanboys.

If May does don want a possessive guy, then what part of 'BACK OFF BOYS, SHE'S MINE!' makes you think that you aren't possessive yourself. The same goes for obsessions. If you think May doesn't want a guy with obsessions, you'd have no hope. Luckily for you, May seems to think your obsession with strawberries is amusing more than annoying.

And all things considered, May can choose whoever she wants as a boyfriend so if you want to be that person, I think you'd better step it up a bit.

Your friend and mentor

Solidad (To be counsellor)

* * *

**Me: Solidad, that was very wise.**

**Solidad: Someone has to knock some sense into the boy at some point.**

**Me: True that...But you're 'knocking sense into him' is very different from Harley's. I think Harley would prefer to take it literally...**


	3. A response to Drew's letter-Harley

A response to Drew's letter addressed to May's fanboys

To Drew-y bear, whom I hate,

You obviously need some advice yourself Drew. And even though I hate you, I will do it from the kindness of my heart. I still hate you though; I'm just doing it because you're friends with Solidad.

The first thing I think I should address, is that you're long gone. Hon, you're so whipped to this girl it's making your blind. Who really says things like that anyway? 'Silky chocolate brown hair' and 'gorgeous sapphire blue eyes', please hon, you're becoming one lump of melted cheese this way.

You yourself are lame, cheesy and cliché. I don't know where you get the idea that you're not. You toss red roses at the girl, which by the way, it's pretty lame to trademark that for yourself. Just so you know. I'll start giving her a single lavender rose shall it? How would you feel about that? Getting mad? Good. Maybe you'll trademark that too?

Ad so you know, all the things you mentioned the fanboys do, you do yourself. Have you not looked in a mirror grasshead? I assume you have because you're very arrogant about yourself so how do you not notice the stupid smirk and dumb hair flick. Where did you get the idea anyway?

Either way, I think our little gingerbread cookie has it bad for you garden face. She blushes around you a lot, especially when I've teased her. Oh, she just goes bright red like one of your precious roses.

Oh and while we're at it, thanks salad brain for telling us all about your weird obsession with strawberries. That information will be very useful for future references.

In case you haven't gotten the point of this letter by now, I'll just say it out for you hon, because you're pretty dense yourself not to notice. You love her cabbage breath and she loves you, so make a move before someone else does. It'll get you and her out the way of me so you'd better do it soon. And if this hasn't knocked the sense into you, I'll have to come and do it literally.

From

Harley (Soon to be free of stupid green-haired idiots and bandanna wearing girls)

* * *

**Me: What did I tell you? **

**Harley: What? That boy is stupid at times.**

**Me: You're very right, but do you have to be so blunt?**

**Harley: *shrugs* Someone's gotta be**


	4. A response to Drew's letter-May

A response to Drew's letter addressed to May's fanboys

Dear Drew Hayden, whom is NOT my boyfriend,

Where do you get the nerve to insult me!? Are you mocking me? Then you tell my fanboys that they're misguided in their attraction? I am a very attractive lady thank you very much. You're just an arrogant grasshead. I am very graceful, and I do NOT have anger issues!

Cheesy? Cliché? HA! Says the guys who gives roses at Beautifly.

You're right, that hair flick is annoying. Why do you do it Drew? It only makes me mad after all.

And that irritating smirk. What's the point? Why do you do it? Smirking gets you nowhere.

As for you, Mr Rose, who are you to tell my fanboys not to give me roses. I think it's very sweet that they actually give me roses unlike your ones for Beautifly. What has trademarking it got to do with anything? Idiot.

Oh yes, I would like to know Drew, where do you get the nerve to insult and tease me? Why don't you take some of your own advice.

And why ARE you SO arrogant! All it does is aggravate me!

HEY! WHO ARE YOU TO TELL MY FANBOYS TO BACK OFF!?

Obsession? My fanboys don't obsess over me. And if they do it can't be any worse than your strawberry addiction.

All things considered. YOU'RE ONE BIG HYPOCRITE DREW!

Sincerely

May Maple (Who is definitely NOT clumsy and definitely does NOT have anger issues)

* * *

**Me: *facepalm* May...I think you missed the whole point of the letter.**

**May: I DID NOT! Drew was just insulting me and telling my fanboys to give up because he wants more fan population than me! HA! Well he can't because I'm a better coordinator than him!**

**Me:...Like I said...I think you completely missed the point...**

**Who wants to see them confront Drew and see the real truth behind the letter?**


	5. The truth about the letter

Drew stormed in through the front door, looking very agitated. He'd just finished a contest, which he'd lost in the first round. That had already put him in a not-so-great mood, but then as soon as he went backstage he felt like he was going to snap.

Fans. There were fans everywhere. Swarming here and there.

And they were not his. True, Drew didn't like his multitude of fans because they annoyed him, but these ones were worse. They were May's fan boys. He didn't even realize May had fan boys. He'd never seen them before. He knew May was getting more popular, but fan boys? No, he didn't know that. He would've guessed they'd been in secret until now.

And May seemed to like it. They were giving her roses, they were smirking at her as her face went red. They had probably insulted her or something. They flicked their hair. Where did this all come from?

He was going to congratulate May, but that was it. He couldn't stay here any longer.

He went up to his room instead and got out his journal. He needed some sort of catharsis and this was his way of relieving his emotions. Despite what it looked like, Drew wasn't always cool-headed. He just pretended by holding in his emotions until he could release them. And he did so by writing, drawing, creating, anything he could in his journal.

Don't get me wrong, this was not a 'Dear diary' type thing. This was Drew's journal. It was completely filled with Drew's anger, sadness, frustration and all the other emotions that Drew wouldn't let anyone see, all in written form, or sometimes visual form on the rare occasion he actually drew something.

Right now, Drew needed to write. Something to get out his anger towards the fan boys.

_To all of May's Fan boys_…He began writing.

* * *

It didn't take Drew that long to write his letter of pure anger towards them. He felt better now. He felt like all the anger had gone. That what writing did for him.

"Drew!" He heard his mum yell, "Dinner's ready."

Drew shut his journal and quickly stuffed it under his pillow.

"Coming mum," he yelled back, getting up. He walked out from his room and down to the kitchen.

Unknowingly, a pair of green eyes has been watching him the whole time.

* * *

The next time he got to a contest, he was surprised to see Solidad. He had thought she wasn't participating in this one. Mew…He'd have to change his contests strategy now.

"Drew Hayden, come here now," she said sternly upon seeing him.

Drew jumped at her tone and hurried over to her. He knew she had something important to say. She only ever said his last name when she demanded his attention for something serious.

When he got to her, Solidad shoved something into his hands.

"Read it, think about it," she said simply before walking away, "That's all I have to say."

Drew looked confusedly at the paper. He opened it and read it, frowning more and more.

"What letter?" he said out loud, "I didn't send out a letter."

* * *

"Oh Drew-y-boo!"

Drew cringed at the voice that was calling his name.

Why was Harley here? He knew that Harley was unpredictable and everything, but why was he at this contest? For all Drew knew, he was halfway across the island.

"Don't call me that," Drew snapped.

"Don't get angry at me," Harley said, "I'm trying to do you a favour."

"In favour of me, or in favour of you?" Drew asked.

"Surprisingly, this one will help us both," Harley said.

He slapped a piece of paper into Drew's hand.

"Well, I must go find May sugar-cookie, I have something I need to tell her," Harley said, "Ta-ta Drew-y-boo!"

Drew growled at Harley's retreating form. That man left a bad taste in Drew's mouth like rotten food would.

Drew opened the letter and read it, frowning.

"That's basically what Solidad said in Harley language," Drew muttered, "What letter?"

* * *

He caught sight of a piece of paper hanging from the contest board. He went over to it and picked it up, thinking it was an announcement.

When he read it, his eyes widened. It was the letter he'd written last night. How had this gotten out?

"RENAE!" He yelled, thinking of the only person who would steal his journal and publish this.

"DREW TIMOTHY HAYDEN!"

He did not get long to think about it before he was slapped in the face with a piece of folded paper by a very angry May.

She must've been angry to call him by his full name.

"Let me guess," Drew said, "About the letter?"

He opened it anyway and read it, not seeming to notice that Harley and Solidad had come and were now watching with curiosity.

"May, you completely missed the point of the letter," Drew said, calmly folding it back up.

May, who was positively seething by now, did not want to be told that.

"Miss what point?" she demanded, "You get all high and mighty, being a total hypocrite and have the guts to tell me fan boys to back off?"

"Yes, but you missed the point still," Drew said.

"What is the point?" May asked, her voice no less loud, "So you can make me seem unpopular?"

"The point is…" He trailed off, bringing May close. His head came lower, his lips puckering slightly as he headed towards hers. They stopped about a centimetre away from hers.

"Jealousy," Drew continued.

He let her go and spun around.

"See you around May," he called, waving as he left, apparently forgetting that he'd not yet entered the contest.

May just sat there, looking confused.

Solidad was trying not to repeatedly smack her head against the wall.

"I think it's time I literally knock some sense into him," Harley said, writing 'sense' on his knuckles.

* * *

**Me: Well there you go, that's what really happened to the letter.**

**Drew: RENAE! DID YOU READ MY JOURNAL AGAIN!**

**Harley: *runs in with 'sense' on knuckles* OH Drew-y-boo~ come over here for a minute.**

**Drew: NO WAY! *runs***

**Solidad: Don't knock too much into him Harley.**

**Me: You're not going to stop him?**

**Solidad: *shrugs* I think after that stunt, Harley's right this time**

**May:...What's he jealous for.]**

**Me: *smacks head into wall***


End file.
